i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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