I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
