I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
You were trust falling into bushes
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