remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
