my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
