I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
What a fucking waste of an outfit
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
