did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Randomize
