I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize
