well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Found the puke drawer
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
