I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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