I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Randomize
