Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Randomize
