rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Can I color on your dick again?
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Randomize
