just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Randomize
