Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
