oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Randomize
