her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Randomize
