Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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