Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Randomize
