i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
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