My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Randomize
