Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
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