Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
