Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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