I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
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