I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Randomize