Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
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