I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
