im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Randomize
