do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Randomize
