you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Randomize
