fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
Is it bad to mix sunny d with vodka if i dont have any real OJ?
I've mixd ketchup with vodka before and called it a bloody mary, so, no.
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
