Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Randomize