Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
I fill condoms, not promises.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
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