I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
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