Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
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