Well douche your snatch and let's go!
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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