She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize