I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
Randomize
