there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
