I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
