im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
