walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
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