i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
