Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Randomize