just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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