does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
Dude, Erin Andrews has a nude video circulating the internet.
Is it any good?
Let me put it this way: I bet Stuart Scott's lazy eye went straight after watching that.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
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