I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
