Me too!
There was a lot of him and a little penis
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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