got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
