She announced her abortion via fbk
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
