During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Randomize
