so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
The best revenge is premature balding
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Randomize
