i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
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