I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
I am mentally ready for anal.
Randomize
