I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
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