I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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