I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
You need Xanax blowdarts
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
I have fence marks all over my body
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
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