sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Randomize
