I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
I wish there were birth control emojis
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Randomize
