dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
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