i don't plan on having that self control this summer
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
