life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Randomize
