Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
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