I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Randomize
