I met the friendliest cop last night
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
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