My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
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