I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
