well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
I want to fling myself into the sun
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
