I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
