Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Randomize
