this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
