Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize