dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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