Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
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