whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
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