Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Randomize
