how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Randomize