More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
