I'm gonna have a badass scar
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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