i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
